he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize