you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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