he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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