why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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