i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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