I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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