Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
