none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
