Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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