i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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