Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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