Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
