I am full of burrito and curiosity
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i think i just lost a toe
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
