you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
