I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My balls are so social today.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
