one word: firstdatebathroomanal
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
