just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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