She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
