Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
