I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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