Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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