So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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