I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
