wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
