I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
