turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
