you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
