i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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