I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
