Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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