Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
