So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
