my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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