You're completely useless in the revolution.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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