I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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