Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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