Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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