i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
