so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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