i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
