I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
