nut hugger
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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