what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
