I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
