I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
