Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
