I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
