What did we do last night that was yellow?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
