It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
