i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
