I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize