I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
