high people should be assigned attendants
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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