if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
