let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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