I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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