i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
