My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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