girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
