he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
why is half of my head shaved?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
