Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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