I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
