Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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