Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
