i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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