I look better un-naked...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize