Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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