I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
