I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
