Need sex. Gaining weight.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
