I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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