Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
