he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
