Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
